[We Love Us intro music plays]
Mark: "You're doing that on purpose
Lard: "I was good
Mark: "Right, here we go with We Love Us, all last week it was members of Radiohead, and they set the questions, and we've given the competition winners
Lard: "We have
Mark: "So that's good, in't it? But we have a three way tie, three members of the band got four points, so we have to have a deciding tie-breaker, much to their consternation and regret that they've got to get up early again. And so let's see who we've got, let's hear...first of all let's talk to Phil. Alright. Phil?!
Phil: "Good morning
Mark: "How are ya?
Phil: "Ooh, very well, thank you, very well
Mark: "Now you're in Barcelona
Phil: "I am, yes
Mark: "Ah...and what's the weather like, because we want to know what to pack, I mean Lard thinks he's going to need his fish-tail Parka
Phil: "I couldn't tell you for today, but it's been lovely all week, so...
Mark: "Does it get chilly in the evenings, do you need like you know, a jerkin or a windjammer or something, would you say, or is it quite nice?
Phil: "(laughs) Pack for all eventualities, Mark
Mark: "That's ok, there you are. Sound advice from Phil the seasoned traveler. Also as well, Jonny, are you there?
Mark: "Alright, how are you?
Jonny: "Alright, yeah
Mark: "Very good. Now, you and Colin are sharing a phone aren't you?
Jonny: "Yeah, we are, yeah
Mark: "Right. Why's that then?
Jonny: "Er...well it's...(laughs)
Mark: "Does Phil get his own luxury drummer's penthouse suite, and you two have got to bunk up in a double?
Jonny: "Well, we're brothers, aren't we?
Mark: "Well, you are, right ok. Right, now then, good morning to Jonny, and good morning to Colin. Right, lets get on with this. Now then, this is an ingenious one, this, because we want the result. What I'm going to do, is I'm going to give you the name of one of your singles, and then we need you to decide, or you can give it a guess, on how many it sold in the UK, and the closest on this one, that'll eliminate it to two, the two closest go through to round two, which is just the same as round one
Mark: "Alright. Right, ok, so Phil, shall we start with you?
Mark: "Alright, now then, Fake Plastic Trees, right was released on the 15th May 1995, charted at twenty one. It sold somewhere between thirty and forty thousand. What's your guess?
Phil: "Ooooh, thirty three thousand, two hundred and fifty
Mark: "Right. Flaming Nora, me calculator's....What did you say?
Phil: "I can't remember now
Lard: "Thirty three thousand...
Phil: "Thirty three thousand, two hundred and fifty
Mark: "Thirty three thousand...
Lard: "Two hundred and fifty
Mark: "Two hundred and fifty, ok then. Right, Jonny?
Jonny: "Oh, thirty eight thousand
Mark: "Thirty eight thousand. Colin?
Colin: "Oh, thirty seven thousand, five hundred
Mark: "Thirty seven thousand, five hundred. Right, ok, let's just work that out now. I've got a calculator here...
Lard: "We need Carol Vorderman
Mark: "I was going to do it while we were doing it, you know, but it's a bit of tension, in't it? Now (mutters) thousand, minus what Phil said, minus thirty three, two fifty, equals one two nine seven. You're one two nine seven out, Phil. So that sounds like quite a good shot to me, that. Thirty eight thousand, well you know, Jonny's obviously more than that out, so Jonny's out.
Mark: "Aw, Jonny!
Mark: "I'm sorry, Jonny, you're out
Mark: "Alright, he's taken it...he's not bothered
Lard: "Not bothered
Mark: "A foot-spa has just gone from here. Alright, well we'll see you on Saturday, Jonny
Jonny: "Yes, see you then
Mark: "Alright then, pass the phone over to Colin
Jonny: "Alright yeah
Mark: "Bye bye, Jonny
Mark: "Ok, then, so let's see who wins this foot-spa. The second round, same as the first. Street Spirit, released on the 22nd January 1996, charted at number five, this one sold somewhere between fifty and sixty thousand. Colin, shall we have your guess first?
Colin: "Erm...oh, I'll say fifty five. I'm in Jonny's toilet, by the way
Mark: "You're in Jonny's toilet?!
Lard: "Oooh, ay!
Mark: "Oooh, very...I see, it's a luxury room with phones in all rooms, is it?
Colin: "That's right, yeah
Mark: "A luxury room with phones in all rooms, that doesn't make sense, does it?
Colin: "I'll say fifty five thousand
Mark: "You're going to say fifty five thousand?
Mark: "Ok then, and Phil, what are you going to say?
Phil: "I would say fifty six thousand, yes
Mark: "I've gotta tell ya, that Colin....Colin?
Colin: "Yes? If I get it...if I'm right, Jonny'll kill me
Mark: "Will he?
Mark: "The actual number was fifty four thousand, nine hundred and ninety three, you're only seven copies out!
Lard: "Wahey!!!! (claps) Foot-spa!!!! Foot-spa!!!!
Mark: "Phil, sorry, mate
Mark: "Our money was on you, you know, but there you go, you know, we thought you were going to win that, the smart drummer of the group, but, you know, sorry
Phil: "Sorry to let you down, Mark
Mark: "No can do. Alright, we'll see you on Saturday with our competition winners
Phil: "See you then
Mark: "Alright then. Bye bye. And Colin. Colin in Jonny's toilet
Colin: "I know. Well, we're brothers, we can share the foot-spa
Mark: "Ok, that's nice
Lard: "It's lovely, that, in't it?
Mark: "Bit of sibling harmony to complete proceedings
Mark: "What have you been doing? Have you been playing any gigs since we last spoke?
Colin: "Er...well we've been...yeah, we've been rehearsing...yeah we have been actually, we've been playing some shows in Portugal
Mark: "Oh, right, yes of course you have, yeah yeah. And how did it go? Were you any good, or were you rubbish? I mean, should we stay in Manchester, because the Manics are on...
Colin: "Er, no it was great, it was three shows, and it got better and better, so yeah, it was good
Mark: "Right, so by Saturday night, you'll be blistering, yeah?
Mark: "Alright, good, so fair enough then. Right, well we shall look forward to it. Thanks very much, and enjoy your foot-spa, and share it with Jonny, like you said, very nice
Mark: "Goodbye Colin!
[We Love Us theme plays]
Mark: "Congratulations, Colin!