[recording starts]

Mark: "That's Knives Out by Radiohead from the album Amnesiac, which comes out on Monday, and it's Mark and Lard live from Verona with Radiohead, good afternoon, how are you doing?

Thom: "Hello

Mark: "We've got Colin

Colin: "Hello

Mark: "We've got Thom

Thom: "Hello

Mark: "And Ed and Phil have promised to drop in tomorrow, and we've also got the third member in, who...the one we didn't believe existed until last night, which is Jonny Greenwood, who's sitting behind...

Jonny: (hits drums)

Mark: "...who's going to do the drums, right, especially for the feature Lard's Verona, which promises to be most edifying, I think. Do you want to just give the drums a rehearsal?

Jonny: "(plays a drum fill)

Mark: "Yeah, it's not exactly what we rehearsed before is it, that?

Jonny: "Oh, sorry (plays intro rhythm to “My Sharona” by The Knack)

Lard: "(sings along) “Lard's Verona”, yeah, that's fine, that's good, blinding

Mark: "Certainly, indeed the multi instrumental talents of Jonny Greenwood, will be helping us out with that item, not that it needs any help

Lard: "No, of course not

Mark: "We've put a lot of research into that

Lard: "Yup

Mark: "Yeah, but, so, guys we're in Verona. Have you played here before?

Thom: "No

Colin: "No we haven't, no this is the first time for us

Mark: "Is it? I mean it's an incredible setting where you're playing tonight, isn't it, I mean describe to people not lucky enough to be coming for free like us.....

Lard: "Ner ner ner ner ner

Mark: "(laughs).....the setting of it tonight, because it's a great old amphitheatre isn't it?

Colin: "Yeah, well we went and checked it out yesterday, and it's like this beautiful Roman amphitheatre like bang in the middle of the town where they have all these operas, and like Pavarotti and all those blokes have been singing there, and there's this huge pieces of stage, because they've just had Rigaletto on there

Mark: "Right, yeah

Colin: "So it's amazing

Thom: "It's as old as Jesus

Mark: "Is it?

Thom: "Yes

Mark: "When I looked it up, it's apparently....it's the third biggest one...there's two bigger ones, The Colosseum and one in Padua

Thom: "Ah right

Mark: "So, a bit of useless information

Lard: "Research....

Mark: "I mean do you find that, just wandering around the town and everybody's going to that gig tonight, does that sort of feel remotely daunting, because of that setting?

Thom: "I couldn't wander round there, I was walking round yesterday with my little boy, and it was just..... we had to come back

Mark: "Did you, what......

Thom: "It was too much of a nightmare

Mark: "Was it? Really?

Thom: "Yeah, it was awful

Mark: "So are you sitting there shaking, sort of stage fright, is it as mad once you get on there?

Colin: "Well it is, yeah

Thom: "Well it's too late once you get on there, yeah (laughs)

Mark: "So what are you playing? Have you worked out what songs you're going to play tonight?

Thom: "No..... nah nah

Mark: "When do you do that? Do you change the set every night?

Thom: "We change the set every night, which normally, you know, gives our lighting engineer a nervous breakdown

Mark: "Right

Thom: "Yeah, because he has all these special effects, and we say “oh well, we're not doing that one”

Mark: "Right (laughs)

Thom: "And he wants to kill us

Mark: "So at what point do you decide, I mean is there a ritual that goes on before a Radiohead gig, do you sort of, you know, I don't know, form a human pyramid and then....

Thom: "No, no

Mark: "....have chip barm cakes and then do the setlist?

Thom: "No, we pace up and down

Mark: "Do you?

Thom: "Like, you know, roaring tigers before going into you know, the...

Colin: "The pit

Thom: "The pit, that's it

Colin: "Yeah

Mark: "Right, yeah. So, but I mean how long before you go on, I mean who picks it, do you pick it , Thom, is it a democratic thing, or do you say “this is what we're playing”, and you then change it when you're on there, just to try and throw them?

Thom: "Well, interestingly, Colin...interesting...Colin's....

Colin: "I can't....

Thom: "...never around. Never around, Colin

Colin: "I just can't deal with it

Mark: "Can you not?

Thom: "Can't deal with it....

Colin: "Nah

Thom: "...that level of decision making (everyone laughs)

Colin: "It's true, it's too much, I always do a runner

Mark: "Oh, do you?

Colin: "For my shame, yeah

Mark: "So when you get on there, and you see a list stuck somewhere near your feet, it's always a big surprise is it?

Colin: "That's a good excuse, yeah I'll use that one

Lard: "Particularly when it's got Russ Abbott's Atmosphere on there. “Who put that there?”

Mark: "What sort of....were you doing you know, a selection from all your records? I believe you're doing Neil Young's Cinnamon Girl, some of the time, aren't you?

Thom: "Oh, ah, you see now that was a one-off, and we butchered the poor thing

Mark: "Did you? (laughs)

Thom: "Yeah, so I don't think...

Mark: "So that won't be coming again?

Thom: "We really shouldn't do it again, no, poor thing

Mark: "So how much new stuff......is it a kind of...is it a greatest hits package, or are you testing out the sort of difficult new material?

Thom: "Well, we play...yeah, there's lots of stuff off the new one, which will probably fox them completely because I'm not sure if they've got Napster yet

Mark: "Right

Lard: "Mmmm, good point

Mark: "That song, Knives Out, I was reading about, and this might.....and these things that you read about might be all entirely apocryphal.....

Thom: "It could be true (laughs)

Mark: "I read two things about it, one that you, Thom, hated that for a long time.....

Thom: "Oh yeah

Mark: "...and you just couldn't listen to it

Thom: "Yeah

Mark: "Why was that?

Thom: "It's too normal (laughs)

Mark: "Is it? Right. But it is going to be a single though, isn't it, at some point?

Thom: "Apparently, yeah

Mark: "Yeah. I mean, do you like it any better now?

Thom: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I like it now, I understand it now

Mark: "Right

Thom: "I didn't understand at the time, you see

Mark: "Right

Thom: "I didn't understand the messages I was receiving

Mark: "I see, right

Lard: "We don't understand half of the Shirehorses stuff, do we?

Mark: "Well, nobody does, there's not much there to understand, is there? And what about.....I also read that it was a tortuous process to record, and that it took three hundred and thirteen hours in the studio to get that song

Thom: "No, three hundred and thirteen days

Lard: "Eh? What, to do that song?

Thom: "Yeah, yeah

Mark: "You're joking

Thom: "No

Mark: "Well, I mean, no offence, but it's hard to see where the work went, really (everyone laughs), I mean, it's, you know........Alright, so we've got......now, I think, Joe, we're on e-mail, aren't we?

Joe: "Er, yes, well, it's kind of playing up a bit

Mark: "Is it? Ok

Joe: "It doesn't work Italian programmes

Mark: "Does it not? I was going to say people can e-mail questions from the UK, if they want to

Joe: "They can try, and I will make efforts to get it working

Mark: "Alright, so if you've got anything that you'd like to ask Colin or Thom, or indeed Jonny, but Jonny would prefer to communicate just through the art of drumming

Jonny: "(Hits drums)

Mark: "Like that

Lard: "Do you know what he said? I can understand. Do you know what he said then?

Mark: "What?

Lard: "He said “Fuck off” (everyone laughs)

Mark: "Yes, well, ok then

Lard: "Terrible, terrible

Mark: "So, Mark and Lard live from Verona with Radiohead

[Radio 1 jingle plays]

Mark: "Will you give a Happy Birthday “Coooeee Raspberry” to Holly Adams of Harrow, who's eleven today

Lard: "Coooeee Raspberry

Mark: "Right, yeah, will you give a......last time you came in, Thom, you were doing all the “biggedy biggedy bongs” and everything

Thom: "Yes

Mark: "Are you.....are we going to carry on with that tradition?

Thom: "Oh, yeah

Mark: "Will you give a Happy Birthday “biggedy biggedy bong” to Catherine Parrott?

Thom: "(shouts) BIGGEDY BIGGEDY BONG !!!!!

Lard: "Now that was.....can you get back off the mic a bit, that was well loud, that was good, you can do two at once

Mark: "Was that ok for level, Chris? (everyone laughs), Twenty four today. Lard, will you do a “having a drink then” for everyone at Cardiff Uni, right, who are doing their exams. I think though, that we discussed this....

Lard: "It's too palatial in here

Mark: "It is, I mean, it's just got this sort of Veronese Rococo splendour that we thought doing an “having a drink then” was not right, didn't we?

Lard: "No, It's more pondering “I was having a think then”

Mark: "Ah

Lard: "What do you think about that?

Mark: "No, I don't like that

Lard: "No, it was rotten, wasn't it?

Mark: "No, don't worry, that was from Caroline in Cardiff as well. And also will you do a big “biggedy biggedy bong” for Sammy, and tell him not to do it, as he's getting married today in Verona, right, and this is from Di, Big Kev and all the business lecturers at Aberdare College, I think, getting married today in Verona

Lard: "If he wants a big “biggedy biggedy bong”, then there's only one man to do it, isn't there, really?

Mark: "Right ok then

Thom: "(clears throat)

Lard: "Brace yourselves (CG laughs)

Thom: "(quietly) biggedy biggedy bong

Mark: "Oh, that was a nice one, that, that was very delicate. But of course, talking about Verona, you know, city of romance and lovers, some people turned up today who are er......Are you getting married today?

Andrew: "Last Saturday

Mark: "Last Saturday, so you're still here on honeymoon? Congratulations! (applause). And so, what are your names?

Andrew: "Andrew and Gaynor

Mark: "From where?

Andrew: "Newport in Pembrokeshire

Mark: "Ok, Andrew and Gaynor from Newport, really, and they just turned up and said “oh, we just sort of got wind you were here, and we've just got married, and can we wander in and everything, and see Radiohead?” and so here they are, which is very nice. Now, so you've obviously had chance to explore the city and everything, you know, but for the others who aren't so lucky, really, and we thought, well what's the best....you know, who's the best sort of travel guide you know, we couldn't get Judith Chalmers....

Lard: "No

Mark: "Right, and so....

Lard: "Cultural attaché in a way

Mark: "Well, Lard is sort of cultural attaché elect, and so we thought we'd do a series of small featurettes, right about My Verona, didn't we, right?

Lard: "We did

Mark: "So I think we'll have the first of those now, and maestro Jonny Greenwood on the Yamaha beatbox, right, here we go

Jonny: "(Plays drums on intro to Lard's Verona)

Thom: "(Plays piano on intro to Lard's Verona)

Lard: "Lard's Verona!

Mark: "Oh, yes, with Thom Yorke on the piano as well, which he's going to be using to sing Pyramid Song a bit later on

Lard: "Very nice

Mark: "Away you go, Lard, give us a bit of culture

Lard: "Verona is one of northern Italy's most alluring cities. Its noble palaces, quiet cloisters and ancient streets, every bit as romantic as you would expect of Romeo and Juliet's city. Beneath those ancient streets, unwind over six hundred miles of sewage pipe, which, on a busy day will play host to roughly twenty five thousand gallons of excrement

Mark: "Oh, right. Jingle on the end, Jonny, are you ready?

Jonny: "(Plays drum jingle)

Lard: "Lard's Verona!

Mark: "It's all going terribly well, isn't it?

Lard: "Oh, it's a bit of class

[recording stops and continues here]

Mark: ".....minutes past

Lard: "One!

Mark: "One. It's twenty nine minutes past two here, isn't it, right. Now will you give a “biggedy biggedy bong” to Dave Parry and tell him to get some work done......ah well, do you want to still do them, or.....do you feel emasculated now, Thom?

Thom: "Yeah, I do

Mark: "Do you?

Thom: "Desperately

Mark: "Thom

Thom: "Oh.... “Biggedy Biggedy Bong”

Lard: "Oh, he even put a pause in there..

Mark: "I would have to say, he's got more variety than you have

Lard: "It's terrible

Mark: "And he's only been doing it five minutes

Thom: "Spontaneous

Mark: "Well there you go, that's to Dave Parry and that is from Louise. Ok, then, so coming up we've got...Thom's going to be singing for us live, aren't you, you're going to do Pyramid Song for us?

Thom: "What?

Lard: "Take that as a “yes”

Mark: "And we have got Craig and David, who've done something with a specially Veronese flavour, as you might imagine

Lard: "Nice

Mark: "And we've got the Wheel Of Misfortune coming up very shortly, and today we've got two celebrity contestants, Lard, I wonder who they could be? I don't want to say, because I want to keep a little bit of tension across the news, really....

Lard: "I've not got a clue

Mark: "....and keep people tuned in. Also we should say congratulations and welcome to our winners Ian and Cerys. You alright?! (applause)

Lard: "Well done

Mark: "They'll be.......you know, what a great prize that was, you know, and they will be on tomorrow, telling us what they thought of the gig last night, and also we'll be having.......

Thom: "Oh, great

Mark: "No, you won't be here...

Thom: "Oh, that's alright then

Mark: "Because I think it's Ed and Phil......It's Ed and Phil doing the honours tomorrow

Thom: "Oh, ok

Mark: "So we've got all of you's. You're going to do the Wheel Of Misfortune tomorrow, Ian and Cerys, if that's alright

Ian: "Oh

Mark: "Fine, ok

Lard: "Can't wait

Mark: "Absolutely enthralled by that idea, as they've every right to be. Ok then (plays Radio 1 jingle) Alright, it's half past two here, and it's half past one in the UK, with the news its.....

[recording cuts off and starts again here]

Mark: "...with a cast of thousands, although it doesn't seem to have made it any better

Lard: "No

Mark: "With Lady Marmalade, a rather unnecessary and unpleasant cover version thereof (claps). Good afternoon, this is Mark and Lard with Radiohead, live from a rather spectacularly glamourous hotel location in the middle of Verona

Lard: "Bit of class!

Mark: "Where tonight, Radiohead will be going on at the Roman Amphitheatre as the sun goes down, and it's not a bad life, is it, really?

[part one ends here]

Mark: "When all's said and done. We're going to have a live song by Thom a bit later on and the Yes/No game and Craig and David. We've got Colin and Thom, who are here, and also Jonny Greenwood, communicating entirely through the art of electronic percussion

Jonny: "(Hits drum once)

Mark: "You see, what did that mean?

Lard: "That meant “yes”

Mark: "Also, Thom and Colin, what did you make of the.....we pulled this out of the paper, we got given a.....it was quite sweet, really, because we flew from London village, and they gave us the London Village Bugle.....

Lard: "Awwww, bless 'em

Mark: "A nice little paper on the plane, and Luke Haines, of whom we are a fan, you know he did the Auteurs, and also Black Box recorder, and the great facts of life, has....he's thinking about.....he's calling for a national pop strike, what do you make of it, from the second of July to create a week of silence, so.....

Thom: "We'll definitely subscribe to that, we're going to cancel South Park

Mark: "Right, ok, well, I was going to ask about that, because you've got a big concert planned that day

Colin: "Yeah

Thom: "Yeah, I don't think anyone'll mind, we'll move it back a week, or something (laughs)

Mark: "Right ok. I mean, he said that he will let people.....he will accept covert listening to already existent music, he says “I know weaker people will do that, but I shan't”, you know, but no new music should be created, just to kind of clear it out, you know. Do you think it's a good idea?

Thom: "Yeah, yeah

Mark: "Would you buy that, definitely?

Thom: "Yeah, clear it out

Mark: "Right, ok. What are you doing, how many dates are you doing at the moment, I mean is it a kind of a mammoth tour, this, or is it just a sort of.....a sort of a comfortable little European jaunt?

Colin: "It's kind of sort of gentleman's downhill touring, really, it's quite easy, you know, it's sort of.....it's quite....it's just a few shows, it's all sort of........and then we're going off to America in June and playing some places of outstanding natural beauty near Seattle and Red Rocks, and stuff like that

Mark: "Oh, right, great. Do you get to pick all these places, so it's just like where you fancy going on your holidays now, isn't it really?

Colin: "Well, we get sent the brochures.....

Mark: "Do you?

Colin: "Yeah, and like the pictures....

Mark: "Really?

Lard: "Do you?

Colin: "We do, and all the colour pictures, and like, you know

Mark: "What a great idea. Right, and so how come, if you're sort of hand picking all these locations, knowing exactly what you're doing, and you're sort of at the stage in your career now where you know no-one can tel you what to do, you know, how come you finish up playing at German pop festivals (everyone laughs), going on after Limp Bizkit?! Now, I'm not suggesting Limp Bizkit are a better band that you...

Thom: "No, well I....

Mark: "But they're noted for their sort of crowd pleasing pyrotechnics, and sort of big.....I mean are you going to get some.....

Thom: "Well, I think we fit in pretty well

Mark: "Yeah, right, so are you sort of going to bring out your Teutonic rock side?

Colin: "Well, it's because it's on the way home, that's why...

Mark: "Right, I see

Colin: "... from Italy

Mark: "Yeah

Thom: "Is it?

Colin: "Well, Germany's kind of between England and Italy, and we thought it would be rude not to stop over

Mark: "Right, ok

Thom: "Is that right?

Colin: "Yeah

Thom: "Oh, right

Lard: "Well that makes sense now. If you're going to go on after Fred Durst, you've got to do that (does some action that you can't see on the radio......)

Thom: "Oh. Right, yeah (everyone laughs)

Lard: "And all you've got to do is watch Norman Wisdom films for about half an hour, and then you can do it, it's a doddle

Mark: "And you can get all the actions off, right, absolutely. Ok, so we're going to have more tracks from the new album, Amnesiac very shortly, but now........(plays jingle). Oh, no! We don't want that. I knew I'd pressed the wrong button. Ah, that's it! (plays Wheel Of Misfortune intro). Yes, it certainly is, it's a travel Veronese Wheel of Misfortune and today we've got Colin and Thom, who are going to play the Wheel Of Misfortune. Hello.

Thom: "Hello

Mark: "Hello, hello, yeah. And what do you do for a living, Colin?

Colin: "Erm.....I'm a bass player in a band from England called Radiohead

Mark: "I've heard of them, have you, Lard?

Lard: "Yeah, yeah, they're alright, yeah

Mark: "I believe they're quite good, right, and what about you, Thom, what do you do?

Thom: "I'm with him

Mark: "Are you?

Thom: "Yeah

Mark: "Really? Ok, well that's very nice. Now obviously, you know, we're in a very glamorous location, and the sun is piling down, and it's fantastic, you know, but I mean has anything misfortunate happened to you recently, that you know, perhaps we could help you get over with a bit of radio therapy?

Thom: "Well, we did have a rather traumatic experience before we went on the last show in France, was it yesterday?

Colin: "Yeah, and the sun was partly to blame for it as well

Mark: "Was it? Right, yeah

Thom: "We put our song The Tourist into the setlist as the final song, right, only to discover that we didn't know what the last chord was...

Mark: "Right (laughs)

Thom: "So we were standing in the dressing room before we went on......two minutes before we went on, having realised, and asking all the crew, who then were all running around behind the stage. Has anyone got a copy of OK Computer?

Mark: "Right

Thom: "No

Lard: "(Wails and cries loudly)

Thom: "and that was unfortunate

Mark: "That is so misfortunate, and we're going to have to cheer ourselves up from that story, and what better way, than to play from the new album, Amnesiac, You and Whose Army

[Plays You And Whose Army]

Mark: "You And Whose Army from the new album, Amnesiac, Radiohead, which comes out on Monday. It that....that's your ....about Tony Blair, is it?

Thom: "Er..yeah, yeah

Mark: "We can't say any more than that....

Thom: "No, it was....

Mark: ".....because it's all electioneering at the moment.....

Thom: "Exactly

Mark: ".....so we'll get into lots of bother unless we also say it's about William Hague and Charles Kennedy

Thom: "Absolutely

Mark: "So we'll leave it there, but er, you can work it out for yourselves (plays jingle). Oh, no I've done it again, this is all the wrong way round this (TY laughs). Flaming Nora! (plays Wheel Of Misfortune intro). Yes, it is a Wheel Of Misfortune with Colin and Thom from Radiohead who are playing on the game today. Lard, are you going to do the travel wheel, are you?

Lard: "I am

Mark: "Alright then, so we'll just have to put Colin over on the left hand side, I think, if we can just stick you over there...right are you on the left there Colin? Just let's just hear you.....

Colin: "Ah, can you hear...

Mark: "Ok, right, and we'll obviously put Thom on the right, shall we?

Thom: "Err (clears throat)

Mark: "There he is! Ok then, right. Can you just remind us of the categories you've got on your travel wheel, Lard please?

Lard: "There will be Top Twenty, Russ Conway, Members of Hear'Say, Cheese, Mrs Beeton, Celebrity Birthday, Pot Luck, Rupert The Bear

Mark: "Right, ok then, so we're all ready. Here we go with the Wheel Of Misfortune (plays jingle). Alright then, here we go, Lard, if you can spin the wheel and take our first category please. (sound of wheel spin). Mmmmm

Lard: "Celebrity Birthday

Mark: "Celebrity Birthday. Today in 1672, saw the birth of the Russian Czar, Peter the Great, son of Peter the Brill, and grandson of Peter the Cock On, whose wide ranging reforms in Russia included the installation of cuckoo clocks in all beards over eight inches, free scotch eggs for the under fives, compulsory hats carved from turnips for all men named Cyril, and a hostel for destitute gerbils in Vladivostok, but which goth band recorded a track called Mother Russia? Was it The Mission, Fields Of The Nephilim, Showaddywaddy, or The Sisters Of Mercy?

Thom: "Errrr.....

Mark: "You just shout “left”, or “right” as soon as you want to have a go at it

Thom: "Err.....which side am I on?

Mark: "You're right

Colin: "Go for it

Thom: "Oh, right. Right

Mark: "Ok, what do you say?

Thom: "Showaddywaddy

Lard: "Oh, it's a good guess

Mark: "Bad luck, it is a good guess, right, so Colin, Mission, Fields Of the Neph, or the Sisters?

Colin: "Sounds like a Sisters track

Mark: "It is a Sisters track

Lard: "Oh, he knows his pop. First blood goes left to Colin Greenwood

Mark: "Alright then (sound of wheel spin). Mmmm

Lard: "Russ Conway

Mark: "Russ Conway. Genial piano genius, Russ Conway always has a pre-show good luck snack prepared by his personal chef Alfons, used to, of course. This consisted of tripe and onions liquidised and served in a wooden clog. By way of contrast, Geri Halliwell doesn't eat before going on stage, choosing instead to wait until after the the gig before enjoying her daily crouton. But what star sign is Geri Halliwell? Is she Leo, Cancer, Capricorn, or Virgo?

Colin: "Er....right again, I think Thom would know the answer to that one

Thom: "You're right, I'm left

Mark: "No, you're right

Thom: "Am I?

Lard: "Yeah

Thom: "Oh, what....

Lard: "Shout “right”

Mark: "Leo, Cancer, Capricorn or Virgo?

Thom: "Oh, it's definitely Virgo

Mark: "It's definitely not, you know. Right, Leo, Cancer or Capricorn, Colin?

Colin: "Er.....I reckon it could be Leo

Mark: "Is the right answer!! He knows his pop!

Thom: "Hang on!

Mark: "What?

Thom: "This is a fix

Mark: "It's not a fix

Lard: "There's some cheating going on

Mark: "It's not a fix! How is it a fix?

Lard: "He's behind you!

Mark: "Ah, he's looking at the answers, oh right

Thom: "Yeah

Lard: "Sly

Mark: "I might have to take points off, but if you're not going to take it seriously, lads, there's no point in flipping doing it, it's a proper quiz, this, you know (sound of wheel spin)

Lard: "Top Twenty

Mark: "Top Twenty. I received at the hotel this morning a sealed envelope from Dolce and Gabbana, Derek Dolce and Denise Gabbana, the famous designers. They've picked four numbers from the top twenty....

Lard: "Don't let him look

Mark: "Don't look, you. Can you not let your fringe cover your eyes like you do on stage, and then you can't see it?

Lard: "Sorted

Mark: "Right, so I've got four numbers from the top twenty, so first to get one that's been sent in by Derek Dolce and Denise Gabbana will win this question. Give me a number between one and twenty, Thom

Thom: "Right. Seven

Mark: "No, it's not there, bad luck. Colin?

Colin: "Er...left. Fourteen

Mark: "(sound of envelope being opened) Now that's not cheating

Lard: "Fourteen!

Thom: "Right, that's it, I'm off

Mark: "It's there! (laughs)

Lard: "It's a conspiracy

Mark: "It's not a conspiracy at all

Lard: "Oh, no

Mark: "Ok, we've got time for more, you've got time to get back into it

Thom: "Mmm hmm

Lard: "No, he hasn't

Mark: "Right, ok (sound of wheel spin)

Lard: "Rupert The Bear

Mark: "Oh, right, Rupert The Bear

Thom: "Oh, no

Mark: "Rupert The Bear has a cute little furry mouth, and we often see his cute little furry tongue, but never his cute little furry teeth, which, being a bear, he uses in private moments to gnaw at the legs of deer. But which member of Steps, until recently, had tramline braces giving her perfect teeth with which to gnaw the leg of a deer, should she so wish? Right, Faye, Lisa or Clare? I'll let you go first, Thom, I can see you're just bursting....

Thom: "It's Lisa, it's definitely Lisa

Mark: "It was Lisa!

Lard: "Wahey!! (claps)

Thom: "Yeah, see?

Mark: "And Thom Yorke breaks his Wheel Of Misfortune duck! Right (sound of wheel spin)

Lard: "Members Of Hear'Say

Mark: "Oh, Members of Hear'Say. We'll just do the girls, right? Kym, Suzanne or Myleene. Which member of Hear'Say is on the Wheel Of Misfortune today?

Colin: "Erm...left. Is it Kym?

Mark: "What do you say?

Thom: "I think it's Myleene, innit?

Mark: "You think it's Myleene? Let's find out, right

Kym: "Hi, this is Kym from Hear'Say

Colin: "Yay!

Thom: "Right, now that's....

Mark: "It's Kym from HearSay!

Thom: "Nah, nah, nah, nah

Mark: "On the Wheel Of Misfortune, and Thom's not happy, I don't think, but anyway

Lard: "And nor should he be for leftie Colin has the full four, whereas rightie Thom has just one

Thom: "Just like the election

Mark: "Very poor. Alright then, we congratulate Colin Greenwood on winning today's (plays Wheel Of Misfortune tune).

[recording cuts off, then comes in here]

Mark: "Say hello to Gavin in Sunderland, who's supposed to be studying then

Lard: "Biggedy biggedy bong

Mark: "Alright then, it's er, what four minutes to..

Lard: "Two!

Mark: "..and this is Mark and Lard, we're live

[recording ends here]

Mark: "...tonight, and we're going to see them, right?

Lard: "Yeah

Mark: "And we're looking forward to that, and we've got members of Radiohead with us today, including Jonny Greenwood, who was the one that we didn't believe existed

Lard: "No

Mark: "And he still hasn't spoken to us, right?

Lard: "He's so enigmatic

Mark: "Yeah, well indeed so, but he has come, or at least Verona's leading Jonny Greenwood lookalike perhaps, has turned up to play the drums

Thom: "Possible

Mark: "We may never know, but if we can have a bit of electronic drums maestro, please, we can have another interesting sort of factoid about Verona in Lard's Verona

[recording cuts off and starts again here]

Mark: "...performing exclusively live for Radio 1 in Leeds on Monday, this is Mark and Lard in Verona, it's four minutes past...

Lard: "Two!

Mark: "What shall we do? Er...I know! Lets go for a bit of high strategy, and we'll do the Yes/No game. Who's on the line today then?

Thom: "Thom

Mark: "Thom. Is that Thom with an “H”?

Thom: "Correct (cheers and applause)

Mark: "Ooh, right. As in Thom Yorke of Radiohead?

Thom: "Yes, that's me (cheers and applause)

Mark: "You're not Thom Yorke, you lying get, Thom Yorke's a Scouser

Thom: "I'm not, am I? (cheers and applause)

Mark: "No, Thom Yorke's a Geordie, isn't he? “Wye aye, canny lad”

Thom: "I'm not, you know (cheers and applause)

Mark: "Alright then, anything you say. Ok Thom with an “H”, are you ready to play the Yes/No game?

Thom: "Yes

Thom: "Audience - Awwwwww!!!! (“wrong answer” sound plays)

Mark: "Anybody fancy doing a “biggedy biggedy bong” in a Welsh stylee for everyone who went to Mark Turner in Aberystwyth's 21st last night?

Lard: "I'd best do that

Mark: "Had you?

Lard: "Biggedy biggedy bong

Thom: "Was that Welsh?

Lard: "It's as close as I get

Mark: "It's his Neil Kinnock, isn't it?

Lard: "Yeah

Mark: "And his Mark Knopfler and his...

Lard: "Sting (laughs)

Mark: "That's right, yeah, and also to thank Gareth who bought the new Shirehorses album for your 21st

Lard: "Bless

Mark: "It doesn't get much better than that. We're going to have a live song. Thom Yorke's going to play Pyramid Song for us very shortly. I know you'd rather do “Biggedy biggedy bongs”, and all that, (laughs) but I'm going to ask you a little bit about the new record. So, I mean it was all recorded at the same time as Kid A, wasn't it, so it's all one job lot of tracks divided into two albums, this?

Thom: "It was, it was all, yeah.......we had a lot of stuff, we were scrabbling around for a while, and then we eventually got it together

Mark: "Is there any more? Have you got a third album?

Thom: "No, no, really we have......Nigel, is there any more left?

Nigel: "Finished

Thom: "We're all finished

Mark: "That's Nigel Godrich the producer who's in the background there. Did you ever think of putting it out as a double album, you know, why two separate albums?

Thom: "Because...er....they don't really work together properly, you can't listen to them all in one go, you'd get a big headache by the end of it.....well, we do

Mark: "Right, right

Thom: "I mean. but maybe we're wrong, but......it's possible

Mark: "And why is Morning Bell sort of......why did you do two versions of that, you know a version on each album?

Thom: "Because the one that's on this one is so completely different and it sort of explains quite a lot of what the rest of the record is about it's sort of......it's sort of like a recurring dream thing. When we were doing it, I was in the middle of this recurring dream, which at the time I thought was extremely important

Mark: "Right, yeah. And what...did you ever....how close did you come to sort of.....because there's been a lot written about the way you sort of changed the way you were working, and like, you know, some members of the band thought “well”, you know, “I don't know if I fit into this anymore”, so how close did you actually come to calling it a day as a band, did it ever get that near?

Colin: "Erm...I don't know, I mean it's like...I think the thing we always forget is that every record we do is generally quite stressful, so it would be you know, like The Bends and Pablo Honey and OK Computer all have their own sort of peaks and troughs, so it was sort of along the same lines as that. The only difference this time is that we sort of spent a lot longer over it, really

Thom: "Yeah, and there was sort of more......there was like more fallout from what had happened before as well, that we needed to sort out

Mark: "How do you mean?

Thom: "Well, we'd been this big band and that...

Mark: "Right

Thom: "And we had to go home and lead a normal life and pick up the pieces and put them together

Mark: "So, I mean, did you....that was it was it? But did you......you sort of like agonised over it and went different ways, did you.....I mean did it ever come to a stage, or are you at the stage now where you can think “well actually, it's only the five of us knocking out some songs”.....

Thom: "Absolutely

Mark: "Are you a lot more easy going about it next time?

Thom: "Yeah. It's all alright now

Mark: "Right

Thom: "Yeah, we took it seriously for a while, but it's ok now

Mark: "Right

Thom: "It's alright

Mark: "Because I did read......I keep saying “I did read”, because these things might be apocryphal, I'll ask Ed tomorrow, but he sort of.....well what can we do now, he said after Paranoid Android and the OK Computer thing, he said “I know what we'll do, we'll be The Smiths again, we'll write three and a half minute pop songs”, and he came back to you and said “lets do this”, and you said “actually, no we're going to tear it all apart and go completely experimental”, and like was that it?

Thom: "Yeah

Mark: "Is that true?

Thom: "He was well chuffed (laughs)

Mark: "I bet he was, I bet he was. Some questions that people have been sending in, I think the e-mail died and they sort of got through somehow on the phone or whatever, but James in Nottingham says: Is there a new track called Tongue Tied being played on French radio?

Thom: "Tongue Tied? Tongue Tied?

Colin: "Erm....I don't know what that is

Thom: "Oh, that'll be Cuttooth

Colin: "Oh, yeah, which is like going to be a b-side

Thom: "How the hell did they get hold of that?!

Lard: "(whispers loudly) Napster! (everyone laughs)

Thom: "Nah, man, because it's not even....that's just not possible

Mark: "Which song is it?

Colin: "Erm....it's.....

Thom: "It's called Cuttooth

Colin: "Yeah

Thom: "If it is that one

Colin: "Yeah, it's a b-side

Mark: "Right

Thom: "How did they get hold of that? It can't be, can it?

Nigel: "It's not it

Lard: "They had copies of it on the market at the weekend (laughs)

Thom: "Oh right, what, up at Camden? Oh, no you don't go down there

Mark: "Oh, right, ok. Peter McAlister says in the Just video, why is the bloke lying in the middle of the pavement and what does he tell the people crowded around him to cause them to do the same? He says it's done his head in for years

Colin: "(laughs)

Lard: "That was the purpose of it, wasn't it?

Colin: "Well, when we....well the director told us that he told the guy to say something like “I like banana yogurt” or something, I don't know, but it was like there's these lip readers in Canada managed to read it, and they said he said something like that, apparently, so......

Mark: "Right ok, well I hope that keeps him happy. Gaz man, he says: Has the recent stuff been influenced by Aphex Twin and stuff from the Warp label?

Thom: "Yes

Mark: "Has it? Right

Thom: "You should play some Aphex Twin, that'll freak them out

Mark: "Yeah, no, well we used to play quite a lot of them on our night time show, didn't we?

Lard: "Yeah

Mark: "Oooh, we used to play a lot of things then

Colin: "Did you? (everyone laughs)

Thom: "And what happened? What happened?

Mark: "And then we decided we wanted a day job, because we didn't want to work nights, and also someone brought us a carrier bag full of money (everyone laughs), and then turned our heads, and we did the breakfast show and we lasted seven months, and suddenly the nights looked a lot more attractive again (TY laughs), but anyway, maybe another time. We're going to.......Pyramid Song then

Thom: "Oh, yeah, that's right

Mark: "This is your.........Mingus? You were listening to a lot of Mingus?

Thom: "(puts on posh voice) Yes, a lot of Mingus. I was listening to a lot of Mingus, you know

Mark: "Right, ok. It's like Radio 3 this now, isn't it?

Thom: "(continues is same voice) – Yes, and I didn't understand a word of it

Mark: "Right (laughs). Were there any words in it?

Thom: "No (laughs)

Mark: "No, right, ok, fair enough then. So, if you're ready, you can take the short trot across the palatial splendour of the hotel lounge here, and there is a small upright piano, and Thom Yorke is sitting down now........I should get a job as commentator at Last Night At The Proms

Lard: "Absolutely old boy

Mark: "Absolutely seamless filling. Are you happy, Thom?

Thom: "Errr........er.......yeah

Mark: "He's taking his watch off. Right, so it looks like he means business (everyone laughs). Ok, formerly Egyptian Song, and now Pyramid Song......Oh, how did you feel about it number five in the charts, that's pretty good, eh?

Thom: "Pretty good, I'd say

Mark: "I think that's very good, yeah

Thom: "Considering.....

Mark: "(laughs), Alright, well in your own time, Thom

[Thom plays Pyramid Song]

[Audience applause, cheers]

Thom: "Thank you

Mark: "Absolutely brilliant, that's Thom Yorke performing live, a man whose young son, Noah has kept him up half the night

Thom: "Yeah, that's actually his favourite song as well

Mark: "It it? Right, ok fantastic. Are you doing that again tonight, are you......?

Thom: "Yeah

Mark: "I can just feel as well, Jonny Greenwood behind my right shoulder itching to come in.....(laughs)

Thom: "(sings Pyramid Song drum fill)

Mark: "But he resisted, and I think, Jonny, that was the right decision (everyone laughs). Alright, we'll have a little bit more from Radiohead. You've got to go for a soundcheck quite shortly, have you got to go now, you've got another ten minutes or something, you've got to get across to the other side of town, haven't you?

Colin: "Yeah, we've got another ten minutes

Mark: "Another ten minutes, alright then, well we'll sit you here and play some records then, and barely speak to you during that time then.

[Jingle plays]

Mark: "I've heard Destiny's Child, and they're playing Radio 1 Jam In The Park on June the seventeenth in Finsbury Park in London village. You can come if you like, all you've got to do is bake...make some homemade jam and bring it, and Radio 1 are having a little stall there, you know

Thom: "I think they mean jam as in like, “jammin' it”

Mark: "Oh, do they?

Thom: "Yeah

Lard: "Don't understand that, do you?

Mark: "You picked all those bilberries...

Lard: "Oh....

Mark: "...and it's going to be for nothing

Lard: "Cobblers

Mark: "Right, we've got to let the Radiohead boys go, because they've got a soundcheck on the other side of town. Have you got a blacked out limousine outside the front of the....

Thom: "Of course, of course

Mark: "Have you? Absolutely. Are you sticklers for......do you just sort of get on there and sort of go “bish bash bosh, oh, that sounds alright”, or do you take hours over it?

Thom: "Hours

Colin: "Er.....it's sort of a combination of the two really

Thom: "Yeah, I think the fact that it's in the centre of town, and all the happy shoppers will be a little bit shocked, we might have to be a little bit brief

Mark: "Right, ok, yeah. Also, before you go, because we must record.....we've already recorded Colin for the Wheel Of Misfortune, and we recorded Phil, who came in earlier on, so Thom, if you could just do it....

Thom: "Yes, ok,

Mark: "...just do it on there and then we'll pick that out so......

Thom: "Hello, this is Thom on the Wheel Of Misfortune. Was that? Shall I do it again?

Mark: "No, no, that's fine, yeah, that's good, and obviously we need...we can't leave Jonny out, so Jonny if you could....we just need a little percussive flourish

Jonny: "(plays a short drum pattern)

Lard: "Oh, he's good, isn't he?

Mark: "Very good

Lard: "He's good

Mark: "Yeah, right. We should point out that Jonny, who's been playing the links for Lard's Verona, which is obviously taken from the Knack tune, My Sharona, and Jonny can't speak, but the name of Jonny's good lady is...?

Colin: "Is indeed Sharona

Mark: "Sharona!! You see, what sort of a coincidence is that?! Three quick questions before you go that people have sent in, erm....Browny says: What do you think of the results of the PJ Harvey collaboration, which you did?

Thom: "Oh, very proud of it

Mark: "Yeah, right

Thom: "Yeah, it's a fantastic record

Mark: "Why didn't you put that out as a single, This Mess We're In, that duet, that's terrific, it's fantastic

Thom: "Could do, could do yeah

Mark: "It's probably not up to you is it?

Thom: "Not really, no well, you know there's probably other people in the room you could ask.....

Mark: "Everybody's shrugging and turning round, “What, who, me?” Natalie Southall says “What are you listening to at the moment?”, she's from Totnes

Lard: "(whispers loudly) Shirehorses, Shirehorses

Thom: "Yes, well actually the Aphex Twin remix of the Shirehorses

Mark: "Mmmmm, yeah

Lard: "Love it, love it

Mark: "Anything you've heard though, anything in particular that you like, that you've heard, that you've been listening to while you've been traveling around?

Colin: "Erm....what recently, sort of the Low album's good

Thom: "Yeah, the Low album's really good. Heard that?

Mark: "Right, no, I haven't heard the album

Thom: "I don't think it really fits the demographic

Mark: "No, we have played Low, we played their Christmas record

Thom: "Oh, did you?

Mark: "Yeah, at Christmas, we like Low. And also Catherine Coleman in Hampshire says “Why did you stop putting the lyrics on the sleeves of the albums?”

Thom: "Err, because I was bored of lazy journalists reading them and then going “oh well, he's obviously talking about that”, and can't be arsed listening to the music, so that was the reason, but now we're going to put them all on the website, because I thought maybe that's possibly a little churlish for people who can't speak English

Mark: "Right, and obviously, some of them are quite difficult to hear, aren't they?

Thom: "There is that, yes

Mark: "So it would be quite helpful. Right well listen, we'll let you get off to your soundcheck. It's been great to see you today. Have a great show tonight, we're all looking forward to it

Thom: "Pleasure

Mark: "And we'll be back here tomorrow with Ed and Phil. Ooh, it sounded like I was going as well.

Lard: "Yeah, yeah

Mark: "Must have given Chris Moyles a shock, I was going to knock off half an hour early, we're already doing a three day week, I think I'd better stay till three o'clock, don't you?

Lard: "Best bet

[recording ends]